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Zostań gwiazdą

Marzysz o wielkiej sławie CELEBRYTY? Chciałbyś lansować się na bankietach z Grycankami? Byłbyś szczęśliwy czytając o sobie na Pudlu? A może interesuje Cię kariera na Kwejku i Demotach? Oto praktyczny poradnik jak stać się sławnym w krótkim czasie.

Powiedzieć głupi tekst do kamery, który będzie powtarzać cała Polska. Na przykład: „Ale urwał”, „Jestem hardkorem”, „Tego nie pomalujesz, to je amelinium”.
+ fejm na kwejku, joe, demotach
– nie powiedzą o tobie w Faktach i nie napiszą w Wyborczej

Ocena: 2/10 – Tekst zapamiętany na lata, ty zapomniany po miesiącu

Zajumać 3 butelki Zbyszka z imprezy, którą nagrywają kamery.
+ Tysiące Wykopów, fejm na kwejku, joe & demotach
+ Powiedzą o tobie w tv, Wyborcza napisze 100 artykułów
– Masz pojechane na ośce

Ocena: 3/10 – Każdy zna Twoją chytrą twarz, nikt nie wie kim jesteś

Zrób kolejną przeróbkę Hitlera
+ fejm na kwejku, joe, demoty i jak dobre to i może na Wykopie
– nikt o Tobie nie napisze, nikt nie wie kim jesteś

Ocena: 1/10 – Taka sława jest za słaba

Zorganizuj domówkę na Fejsie i udostępnij wydarzenie całemu światu
+ okaże się, że masz bardzo dużo znajomych
– policja może robić problemy

Ocena: 3/10 – Wszyscy będą mówić o Twojej imprezie, ale nikt nie wie kim tak w ogóle jesteś

Zjaraj się jak Zbyszek i zrób fotkę, cały świat będzie robić mema
+ Twoja buzia będzie znana na całym świecie
– Kompletny brak kontroli nad własnym wizerunkiem

Ocena: 5/10 – Twoja mordeczka będzie miliony razy wklejana wszędzie, ale nie wiadomo co ludzie będą pisać.  Jest ryzyko, jest zabawa.

Nagraj hit disco polo
+ Wywiady, autografy, koncerty, grouppies
– Nie będą Ciebie puszczać w RMF i Radiu ZET. Eska, to maxxx co może z Ciebie być

Ocena: 5/10 – Wpadnie trochę kasy, udzielisz tysiąca wywiadów o tym samym, zagrasz parę koncertów, będziesz mógł zaliczyć fanki twego bandu

Napisz na necie, że chcesz wysadzić Sejm
+ „Oni” zrobią z Ciebie gwiazdę
– Autografy będziesz mógł dawać kolegom z celi

Ocena: 6/10 – Kariera krótka, bez nazwiska i z paskiem na oczach. Ale rzadko kiedy, ktoś znany słyszy tyle ciepłych słów od Polaków.

Powiedz, że ktoś porwał Twoje dziecko, a potem przyznaj się, że jednak je zakopałeś
+ Sesja na koniu w tabloidzie (dobrze płatna)
– Trzeba ukrywać się przed policją i mediami pod Białymstokiem

Ocena: 10/10 – Będą mówić i pisać o Tobie wszędzie przez rok. Teraz będzie czas na prawdziwe pasje. Niestety wszystko co dobre szybko się kończy.

Zrób sobie fotkę z walizką pieniędzy i wyślij do Wyborczej
+ Będą Cię pokazywać Twoją fotkę wszędzie gdzie się da
+ Napiszą o Tobie 100 artykułów
– Sposób nie działa jak nie jesteś/nie byłeś tajnym agentem

Ocena: 8/10 – Jesteś bogaty, więc będziesz mógł otoczyć się znanymi kobietami. Niestety nie każdy może sobie na to pozwolić.

Napisz, że jesteś idiotą
+ Piszą o Tobie w Wyborczej, wszyscy udostępniają to na Fejsie.
– Wszyscy myślą, że jesteś idiotą

Ocena: 9/10 – To odważne wyznanie odmieni Twoje życie raz na zawsze. Z jednej strony sąsiedzi zaczną mówić Ci dzień dobry, będziesz fanem wrogów mainstreamu. Niestety, prawdopodobnie po takim wyznaniu będą myśleć o Tobie – „O, TO TEN IDIOTA”.

Wszystkiego dobrego w nowym roku

Kamil Gopaniuk

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